Only I could make sense of this, I would write about Luke's birthday party, which was great but I really really have to get this off of my chest. I'm going fucking mad. Why oh why do I want to break up with Luke: Because I'm in love with him...Oh my God it's so stupid, I am fucking TERRIFIED of caring about somebody and when I have done in the past I have either been hurt or ran so far away from the person that they forgot about me. I was avoiding the hell out of Luke yesterday because frankly it overhwlems me being near him, I don't want to admit it but I can't live without him... I can't fucking believe how lucky I am. Of all the people he chose me. Why am I running away from him? Because I am a fucking coward who can't even face her own feelings out of pure terror!!!! FUCK.

I suppose it's in my nature, as soon as I care about someone I RUN LIKE FUCK and ignore my feelings until they go away...I find myself picking arguements with Luke lately because I cannot fucking deal with my feelings for him and it kills me, I HAVE to get the emotion out somehow so I start picking fights.... Makes no sense right? I'm with him so I shouldn't feel that way, but to be honest NOTHING scares me more in the world than caring about someone a lot...so much that they get under your skin and mess with your head....Yeah I'm a coward. I'm terrified. I can't handle my feelings and it causes my life to turn into one big fucking disaster. It's true what they say, love does fuck your head up. I found out that it fucks my head up even when I'm with him....but it makes me want to push him away because I'm afraid.

Somebody fucking help me